So I keep thinking that I need to start blogging again, but whenever I get to that big empty box in which to write a new post, stage fright takes over and I am overflowing with nothing but stupid stuff to say. Ugh.
Maybe we get the stupid stuff out of the way in order to go forth and be verbose? Okay.
*I apparently decided to take an extended break from blogging. (Stupid: the fact that I took an extended break is obvious.)
*I've had writer's block. (Stupid: see the last reason - if I didn't have writer's block, the break wouldn't have been necessary.)
*Maybe I only have witty and interesting things to say at 4am when I can't sleep, and when I sit down to write those awesome musings vanish? (Sigh, fairly accurate, really.)
*Who wants to read yet ANOTHER mommy blogger talk about trying to "do it all"? That's lame! (Again, accurate.)
I guess I miss the blogging community. And I'm sure it'd be good to get writing again - at least maybe it'd help me get off my meds?!? Ha! I'm sure Husband would appreciate my venting somewhere other than his ear. But do I really have enough time to devote to this venture? It's not like my heyday of blogging, when I was mostly psychotic from bar prep. Life is thankfully mostly mundane. Oh look, I alliterated!
Let's try a quick recap of my day: up at 7-ish with the kiddo (who is now 2 yrs old), out the door at 9:00 with the kiddo to go to work for a bit (he was amused with watching Finding Nemo), back home for a few hours, back to work for more hours, home just in time to put the munchkin to bed. Glad this particular schedule will only go through Friday!
Oh, and Friday is also the last day of my 3-week Maintenance Phase for the hCG diet! Which means that on Saturday, I can, if I so choose, have a reunion with starches and sugars! AND WINE! Yay!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, July 6, 2009
Oh hi, Anger, where've you been?!!
So it appears I haven't actually gotten over that whole incident at that one firm. I think it's just been festering, and now have a really bad taste in my mouth from the anger resurfacing this evening.
Here's the thing, I need to vent.
One of the biggest irritants is the apparent miscommunication between them, me, the health insurance, and COBRA. Yeah. Apparently I am either not qualified for COBRA, contrary to what they informed me, or it's taking an excessively long time for it to start. Which is bad, considering all three of us have only been covered through my insurance. It's one thing to discover that apparently COBRA hasn't kicked in when you go to pick up your post-partum depression meds and find that you have to pay full price; it will be an entirely different thing if I have to get emergency care for the kiddo.
Another thing is that the more time that passes since shit went down, the more difficult time I'm having maintaining professionalism when it comes to them. It just feels like I was fed such a load of bullshit. And I'd like to think that in the past few years I've developed a thick skin and have surprised myself with not taking things personally. Perhaps what makes this feel so underhanded is that the main person involved was a friend and mentor. And also, apparently, my own personal firm executioner. Awesome. We are still "friends" on facebook, and the ONLY reason I've prevented myself from un-friending her (in a totally juvenile and petty way because I'm 13) is that I have also learned to never burn a bridge.
That doesn't mean I'm going to ever consider a friend of mine, or ever trust the person again, but I'm not going to give in to the almost irresistible urge to petty it up. Ugh. So I suppose this means I just vent until I'm not so angry about it anymore.
In good news, my own little solo shingle venture is headed in the right direction! And, as much as it pains me to say this, I guess getting axed from that damn firm was very good for me, as I wouldn't have hung said shingle were it not for that happening. Doesn't negate being angry about it, but at least it pacifies me somewhat.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Healing.
So it's coming up on a month since I was terminated/asked to do contract work only. I think I'm getting over it. In retrospect I think I was terribly, terribly naive to think that my mentor and boss-lady was first and foremost my friend. Having formed a friendship when we worked together at a very large company (no longer in existence, sadly), I think I assumed our friendship and bonding over being pregnant at the same time somehow mandated that she would treat me respectfully.
Well, I guess now I know that in business, it's really business first, mentoring next, and friendship at a very distant last. The good news is that I'm not quite as bitter as I was. Oh, it still grates my last nerve to have to do anything for them, but I'm able to do it with a little less gnashing of teeth. Which is good - especially as I think the healthiest thing is to let things like this go and not keep it in to fester. Not that I manage to achieve that very often, but it's something I strive for.
In other, more positive news, I've hung my shingle! It wasn't a knee-jerk reaction to being terminated/doing contract work only - the idea has been percolating ever since I got licensed. I think the timing was right for me to do it. And let's be honest, this recession has been brutal to the legal field, so it's not as though there are all that many jobs out there for me to pick and choose from!
It's been hard - although not more than I was anticipating! I think one of my biggest fears is figuring out how to network with local firms in a professional and not reeking-of-desperation way so as to get referrals for cases they don't necessarily want/need. But I'm not getting overwhelmed yet. I'm planning to go to a few networking opportunities tomorrow - including a happy hour!
I guess all this is to say that I'm doing good - and fully intending to blog more often!
Well, I guess now I know that in business, it's really business first, mentoring next, and friendship at a very distant last. The good news is that I'm not quite as bitter as I was. Oh, it still grates my last nerve to have to do anything for them, but I'm able to do it with a little less gnashing of teeth. Which is good - especially as I think the healthiest thing is to let things like this go and not keep it in to fester. Not that I manage to achieve that very often, but it's something I strive for.
In other, more positive news, I've hung my shingle! It wasn't a knee-jerk reaction to being terminated/doing contract work only - the idea has been percolating ever since I got licensed. I think the timing was right for me to do it. And let's be honest, this recession has been brutal to the legal field, so it's not as though there are all that many jobs out there for me to pick and choose from!
It's been hard - although not more than I was anticipating! I think one of my biggest fears is figuring out how to network with local firms in a professional and not reeking-of-desperation way so as to get referrals for cases they don't necessarily want/need. But I'm not getting overwhelmed yet. I'm planning to go to a few networking opportunities tomorrow - including a happy hour!
I guess all this is to say that I'm doing good - and fully intending to blog more often!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Hmmmm...
I'm having an idea of doing something really crazy. My brain can't really let it go, and this time I'm thinking it actually might be feasible. What is this idea, you ask? Well, the idea is to open up my own law firm. That's right, I'm thinking about going solo, hanging a shingle, doin' it all alone!
I figure, why not? Now is as good a time as any, I suppose - as I'm just doing contract work for the Firm That Shall Not Be Named (yes, the one that fired me but asked that I continue to do contract work... REALLY?!? another post for another day, sigh) and don't have steady work, this is as good a time as any to go for broke, right?
So, what do you all think?
Friday, May 22, 2009
Ugh, here we go again.
This has not been a good year for me, employment-wise. Well, it's been great and awful. I lost my job at the big company in January, the same month I got what I thought was my dream-ish job. That dream-ish job? Yeah, gone as of this morning.
As it all starts to settle in, the most prevalent thought in my mind is: how are we going to make it, financially? I know a lot of people have been grappling with that for longer than I, but having a baby makes it all seem that much worse and dismal.
Oh, and I'm all the other usual emotions- pissed, angry, upset, emotional, etc. etc. etc.
Sigh.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...
You know, I think the Ramones were onto something with that song. I'm not necessarily saying I want to actually be sedated, but thinking back to those first few months with a new baby, it almost seems like the sleep deprivation functioned like a sedative. Or something. I'm sure I was going somewhere profound with that thought.
I was whining to myself (in my office, with the door closed) that there is just never enough time to get everything done. I don't think that's just the scourge of the working mama, but I find it almost impossible to check everything off my mental to-do list. It's just exhausting - there aren't enough hours in the day or enough of me to get it all done. And forget counting on the Spouse - don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have him, but men are just not so concerned about stuff like that - maybe it's the DNA?
Let's see what the typical evening/night looks like for me:
Drive home from work, hopefully traffic won't be so bad and it'll only take me 40 minutes instead of an hour but either way that puts me getting home after 6pm. Hopefully Baby is still awake - 75% of the time he's conked out before I get home because he's exhausted from daycare.
Awake or not, I've got to figure out something quick for dinner. What to eat...nothing sounds good, everything takes too long to make and too much planning ahead. Maybe I'll just snack on some stuff here and there. There, some wine will top it off and we'll call it a meal.
I really need to plan something for tomorrow's dinner. And we should go grocery shopping as we need more food to send to daycare, and I feel like we ought to break out of the carrots-bananas-cheerios rut.
I should pick up the living room, as it's become Toy Central and how did he get all those monkeys from the Barrel O' Monkeys scattered ALL OVER THE FLOOR?!? And why are there cheerios EVERYWHERE?!? Ugh, can't deal with that right now, maybe I'll go pick up the kitchen and dining room, as Spouse has left dried-on bananas on the highchair tray because he forgot to clean it up. Or maybe I forgot to clean it up. Can't remember.
Either way it's gross now and oh, look, there's still those bags of baby books and stuff I loaned out and upon getting it back, stacked it in the corner of the dining room where it still sits. I need to put that away but where?
And there are those bags of maternity clothes that I just got back and left in the garage, should probably put those away, too...oh, and while I'm at it, there's that mess of stuff on top of the bookshelf and fireplace, where we've just been stacking stuff to keep it out of the baby's reach (& mouth).
And I really ought to go through that stack of mail and don't forget about that huge stack of filing that's one day going to pin me down and suffocate me and what about finally going through and purging all those old magazines I've never had the time to sit down and thumb through? Oh, and speaking of organizing, maybe tonight I'll finally go through and organize all the clothes he's outgrown, along with his books and toys.
But first, oh look, the floor needs to be vacuumed and the kitchen floor mopped and I've got to clean the toilets but first I'll just sit down and check my email and maybe facebook and oh look, it's already 9:48pm and I really ought to do some stretching and sit-ups before bed, and I wanted to get a little reading in, and did I floss? No, I didn't floss but @(#$*%&! WHO DECIDED TO MAKE FLOSSING A DAILY REQUIREMENT AND REALLY, DO WE NEED ONE MORE THING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT NOT DOING?!?
Am I just really disorganized? Is that my problem? Because I don't see how, aside from pharmaceuticals, working mothers get it all done. Especially those with more than one child. It's just ridiculous.
Maybe tonight I'll refuse to feel guilty about not flossing. We'll see. And now I've just eaten up a chunk of time venting about how I don't HAVE time and sigh, it's such a vicious cycle. Back to the working grind...
I was whining to myself (in my office, with the door closed) that there is just never enough time to get everything done. I don't think that's just the scourge of the working mama, but I find it almost impossible to check everything off my mental to-do list. It's just exhausting - there aren't enough hours in the day or enough of me to get it all done. And forget counting on the Spouse - don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have him, but men are just not so concerned about stuff like that - maybe it's the DNA?
Let's see what the typical evening/night looks like for me:
Drive home from work, hopefully traffic won't be so bad and it'll only take me 40 minutes instead of an hour but either way that puts me getting home after 6pm. Hopefully Baby is still awake - 75% of the time he's conked out before I get home because he's exhausted from daycare.
Awake or not, I've got to figure out something quick for dinner. What to eat...nothing sounds good, everything takes too long to make and too much planning ahead. Maybe I'll just snack on some stuff here and there. There, some wine will top it off and we'll call it a meal.
I really need to plan something for tomorrow's dinner. And we should go grocery shopping as we need more food to send to daycare, and I feel like we ought to break out of the carrots-bananas-cheerios rut.
I should pick up the living room, as it's become Toy Central and how did he get all those monkeys from the Barrel O' Monkeys scattered ALL OVER THE FLOOR?!? And why are there cheerios EVERYWHERE?!? Ugh, can't deal with that right now, maybe I'll go pick up the kitchen and dining room, as Spouse has left dried-on bananas on the highchair tray because he forgot to clean it up. Or maybe I forgot to clean it up. Can't remember.
Either way it's gross now and oh, look, there's still those bags of baby books and stuff I loaned out and upon getting it back, stacked it in the corner of the dining room where it still sits. I need to put that away but where?
And there are those bags of maternity clothes that I just got back and left in the garage, should probably put those away, too...oh, and while I'm at it, there's that mess of stuff on top of the bookshelf and fireplace, where we've just been stacking stuff to keep it out of the baby's reach (& mouth).
And I really ought to go through that stack of mail and don't forget about that huge stack of filing that's one day going to pin me down and suffocate me and what about finally going through and purging all those old magazines I've never had the time to sit down and thumb through? Oh, and speaking of organizing, maybe tonight I'll finally go through and organize all the clothes he's outgrown, along with his books and toys.
But first, oh look, the floor needs to be vacuumed and the kitchen floor mopped and I've got to clean the toilets but first I'll just sit down and check my email and maybe facebook and oh look, it's already 9:48pm and I really ought to do some stretching and sit-ups before bed, and I wanted to get a little reading in, and did I floss? No, I didn't floss but @(#$*%&! WHO DECIDED TO MAKE FLOSSING A DAILY REQUIREMENT AND REALLY, DO WE NEED ONE MORE THING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT NOT DOING?!?
Am I just really disorganized? Is that my problem? Because I don't see how, aside from pharmaceuticals, working mothers get it all done. Especially those with more than one child. It's just ridiculous.
Maybe tonight I'll refuse to feel guilty about not flossing. We'll see. And now I've just eaten up a chunk of time venting about how I don't HAVE time and sigh, it's such a vicious cycle. Back to the working grind...
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